Around the World With a Vagabond

For the Groundhogs February 2, 2011

Filed under: February Doesn't Suck,For the Groundhogs — christynichols @ 2:13 pm
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In honor of Groundhog’s Day, I have decided to dedicate this post to little animals, in particular, the Australian wildlife.

 

Australia has quite a few really cute little animals, but, as my brother recently pointed out to me, the animals here in Australia are just made up of the leftover parts of animals from other places in the world.

 

There is some truth to this.  Ponder it over, and yes, defining features of other animals have been mashed together to give Australia it’s own unique collection of mammals.

 

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Anteater

+

Porcupine

=

ECHIDNA!

Here is a small fact about the echidna: It has 4 penises. I discovered this during a conversation with a British friend on Christmas Eve. How we reached this topic, I can’t remember, but you can wiki it yourself if you want to know more, because I don’t really want to talk about the echidna’s penis more than is necessary.

 

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Deer

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rabbit

=

WALLABY!


Awwww . . . but is it a Christmas animal or an Easter animal?

 

I am not sure, but in America, this combo gives us the elusive Jack-a-lope . . .

. . . . but I think we’ve done shot them all.

 

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Next we have the common duck:

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beaver

=

PLATYPUS!

These creatures are also cute and cuddly, and very small. Unfortunately they are also poisonous, and insane.  I don’t know about you, but a small creature that is simultaneously cute and poisonous and insane I am highly threatened by.

 

I don’t know why they are nuts, but I conceded to the mental instability of the platypus after watching one swim madly and rapidly in tight circles in a small pool of water all on his own without any clear reason.  He just zoomed and paddled round and round, and I have no idea why.  I don’t think he knew I was watching.

 

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Moose

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rabbit

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Michelangelo’s Adam

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KANGAROO!


Yup.  The kangaroo is a completely chilled out version of the moose/rabbit hybrid.  Actually, I think the kanga is part totally-relaxed human, as seen by his resemblance to Michelangelo’s reclining “Adam”.

 

While this animal’s picture is plastered all over this Nation Down Under, I have yet to get a good look at the real live thing. In my 8 months here, I have seen a herd of them only once, and I am starting to think they were mechanical kangaroos and part of Australia’s gimmick to lure tourists.  I was taken to the zoo recently, and saw a kangaroo; but, like this photo here, he was also reclining under a tree, and may have been some teenage kid in an animal suit taking 5 from his summer job.

 

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We can’t forget the other national animal, a confusing combination of a

 

Grizzly

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pillow

=

KOALA!

These creatures eat a diet of only eucalyptus leaves, which leaves them completely stoned at all times. A significant number of the population is also plagued with Chlamydia, so these snuggly little tree huggers are effectively stoning and breeding themselves into extinction.  As are a few members of the human race.

 

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And last, but not least, the, Wombat.  It sounds like it should be this:

and this

 

but no.

 

It’s this:

 

I know it looks like your favorite stuffed animal come to life, but don’t be fooled.  This sturdy fellow is really a noisy, grumpy, hairy pig that will eat through your tent and terrorize you with its war cry through the night.

 

The rest of the Australian population are just too frightening to look at pictures of for too long, such as the shark, the croc, the snake, and the spider.  They are all ugly and gigantic and deadly down here.

 

And because this post is in the honor of groundhogs around the world, I don’t think they want to think about anything too scary. They just want to go back to sleep.